Quotes and Jokes

Our favorite quotes and jokes that have made us laugh and think.

Hope you enjoy them too!

You’re <poopy> in silk stockings.

The only thing you cannot do with a bayonet is sit on it.

We were given speech to hide our thoughts.

While the 1830 revolutions going on and the tricolor raised over Notre Dame, he said "We are triumphing!"  He was asked, "Who are we?"  "Quiet! Not a word. I will tell you tomorrow" was the reply .

Regimes may fall and fail, but I do not.

Above all, no excessive enthusiasm.

Wikipedia contributors. "Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, 19 Feb. 2010. Web. 20 Feb. 2010.

Napoleon to Talleyrand:

Talleyrand:

SaneSchool

Excellent work done quickly.

King Louis XI of France was a staunch believer in astrology. When a courtier correctly predicted the death of a member of his imperial household, the king worried that having such a powerful seer in his court might pose a threat to his authority. Planning to have the seer thrown to his death from a window ledge, the king summoned him and said, “You claim to be able to interpret the heavens and to know the fate of others.  So tell me:  What fate will befall you? How long do you have to live?” 

The oracle thought carefully for a moment, smiled, and replied, “I shall meet my end just three days before Your Majesty meets his.”

Dutton, Kevin. “The Power to Persuade.” Scientific American MIND March/April 2010:  28.  Print.

My son made up this joke:

Q:  What do you call an insect that surfs the web?

A:  An intergnat.

(I think of all the pop-up windows as intergnats!)

My daughter came up with this idea while eating at our favorite Mexican restaurant:

 

It’s an inchilada !

This little boy’s mother was having a ladies group meeting and was making tapioca pudding when the phone rang.  She left the kitchen to answer it, and her little boy came in to get some BB’s for his gun.  He reached up in the cabinet for them, the lid came off, and some BB’s fell into the tapioca.  He heard his mother coming back, so he quickly stirred the BB’s into the pudding and ran back outside.

The next morning one of the ladies called to find out how she made the pudding.  She said, “You should know.  I got the recipe from you.  Why do you ask?”  The woman said, “Well, I bent over to pet the cat this morning and shot the canary!”

Kenworthy, Kevin.  The Best Jokes Minnie Pearl Ever Told (plus some that she overheard!).  Nashville: Rutledge Hill Press, 1999.  Print.